I stumbled across your blog today and yes, I want a realtor who tells me what I need to know, not what I want to hear!

I’m trying to decide between two homes right now. Or neither. We’re in Washington state, so you probably can’t help I wish my realtor would give me an actual opinion! If my gut told me which house to choose I would be set, but I’m an extremely indecisive person (as is my husband) trying to decide between two totally different types of homes and can’t decide.

Anyway. My point is that I definitely prefer your approach.

Hi Debbie,

That’s it in a nutshell. Every home owner should imagine the worst case scenario and know that they have an exit strategy that can be accomplished in case they have to move unexpectedly.

Steve

One thing I needed to hear was that resale matters even if you plan never to sell your house because things don’t always go according to plan. I didn’t really understand that until this real estate meltdown. If you suddenly want or need to move, it’s very nice not to be upside-down on your mortgage.

I definitely had an agent who told me what I wanted to hear, and worse, what she wanted me to hear. I held the line on price, location, and quality, and something finally came up. There were a lot of things I didn’t think about, but I got lucky with those.

I enjoy spending my time trying to talk buyers out of buying a home for emotional reasons. It’s sometimes an uphill battle, and I think that buyers appreciate it.

And it’s good to admit my biases too. Heck, there are reasons I like where I live. Those reasons aren’t the same for everyone though.

> Should I say something, since its a huge financial commitment, or is it a bit like commenting on a new girlfriend/boyfriend: you smile and say they seem nice and you are glad they seem to make them happy?

Wow, my first etiquette question ever! Thanks.

If you switched roles, and it was you making the mistake, would you want this friend to say something to you? Is your friendship strong enough to handle frank candor such as this? Would your opinion be appreciated, even if they continue with the purchase, or might it get you dis-invited from the future house warming party?

Also complicating the matter would be whether or not the friend has a spouse/so who is excited and happy about the purchase. Throwing a wet blanket on their first home together is not a good idea.

I would simply be supportive and ask questions. Ask how the process is going, if they’ve had the inspection yet. Ask what he or she likes most about the house and neighborhood and what made this house the best choice. Just act curious. Also ask if there is anything scary about the process, or anything he or she is worried about, such as whether it will hold value.

I would offer an opinion only if invited to do so. But in opening up a conversation that provides an opportunity to be asked your opinion, you might get the chance. Still, I wouldn’t call it a “tragic mistake”, but simply ask if they’re ok with the possibility that the home may drop in value if it has to be sold in the next few years.

But in the end, friends support friends even when they make decisions that might not turn out well. Nobody wants to be constantly judged or made to feel stupid, so I’d lean toward keeping my mouth shut unless invited to offer an opinion.

Steve

Good Luck,

Steve

I’m a young married person, of that age where my friends and colleagues are getting married and buying starter homes. I am fascinated by real estate. I check those great map-mls mashups weekly, even though we love our home and have no intention of moving. Again and again I see my friends get agents – usually a friend of a friend of course – and buy in neighborhoods that necessitate moving again in a few years once they have wisened up.

Young buyers are naive when it comes to schools, and the value of school districts. They think that even if they had a kid right away, it would be 5 years before the school even mattered. Which is true, except that an informed buyer know that schools are important for resale, even if they have no intention of having a family themselves. All too often I think they get distracted by the ‘newness’ of recent construction and building trends and discount older established suburban neighborhoods with arguably far superior location.

My friends seem obsessed with the concept of having a room dedicated to a home theater, but have no idea how far the elementary and middle schools are. And its so seductively easy when checking out homes to go “just one exit further” and get just a little bit more per dollar. The agent – having no inventive to keep them looking and eager to close a deal – simply encourages them to make an offer and be done with it.

Which brings a question of etiquette: lets say my friend has put in an offer and are still in the option period of what I consider just a tragic mistake (long commute, poor schools, still being constructed neighborhood). Should I say something, since its a huge financial commitment, or is it a bit like commenting on a new girlfriend/boyfriend: you smile and say they seem nice and you are glad they seem to make them happy?